Loneliness, Antsy, and Anxious Feelings
Some Truth about Loneliness, Antsy, and Anxious Feelings
I’m talking about that feeling of not wanting to be alone and quickly filling that space with TV, radio, sports scores, Amazon, podcasts, YouTube, scrolling, TikTok, scrolling, Discord, scrolling, whatever the new app is I’ve never heard of, scrolling, getting a bit high, cracking a beer, and yet more scrolling. That’s what I’m talking about. Filling up the space with any number of fillers that give us something to chew on other than simply being with ourselves. It’s weird how we run away from ourselves. Oh no, me [ejector switch]! How fast we fill the space so we don’t have to be with ourselves.
That lonely, grabby feeling is a part of you. It’s the part that might wonder, why am I so antsy, lonely, anxious; why am I so needy; what’s wrong with me; what makes me impulsive sometimes; why can’t I be alone? We think we solve the problem when we fill the space with things we need to do, things that are useful, things that are maybe fun, but there’s a part of you that is being ignored, replaced with stuff, distraction, noise, busy-ness. That lonely, needy (grabby is needy) feeling is not you; it is a part of you. It needs to be attended to. It needs to be picked up. It needs to be held. It’s the part of you left over from when you were small and you didn’t get what you needed. Now’s the moment when you can give that little, left-behind you what you needed then. They've been waiting for a moment when you had space.
So, pause in that moment, right when you feel the loneliness, the anxiety, the itch, right before you reach for whatever it is that you fill the space with. Pause and take a breath. Don’t send away that child that was you away, don’t turn your back on that child that is in you. Give yourself a hug. Hold you. Breathe. I mean, literally, cross your arms over your chest and hold yourself. You can give yourself what you needed then, what you need again now. It can’t be found in a newscast, in a shopping basket, in porn, in music, in a drink, in a pill, in a joint, in a DM, in the book you’re writing, in a romantic relationship, in the plans you have to make. Come home to you. Let you come home.
How hard is that? How hard is it to do? If you had little of what you ever needed, it could feel quite horrible. If reading this makes you angry or laugh, you may be defending again knowing that child who’s still there. No blame here. You couldn’t afford to be that kid any longer than you had to be. Or reading this might make you want to dive deeper into the things that distract and numb you. But don’t believe the lies. You never were undeserving. There was nothing you needed to do to deserve safety, affection, and belonging. If it didn’t happen, or when it didn’t happen, it wasn’t your fault. You are not, nor were you ever unworthy. Hold on to you. You’ve been waiting a long time for you to be who you’ve always needed.
